While online I rarely share any insight into my relationship, I am, believe it or not, a hopeless romantic. There I said it, and I feel no shame. I have been one of those girls that has always seemed to have a boyfriend, which from a psychologists point of view would probably raise a few red flags, but the truth is, I like having somebody to share everything with. This isn’t to say that I’m scribbling I love Dan all over public rest rooms in black marker pen or that I have an I heart Dan tattoo, I just happen to love love – who doesn’t? As a current twenty-something, that happily ever after seems to have become more of an ideology than a reality. I can’t speak from personal experience right now, but seeing my girlfriends going out with what can only be described as fuck boys and going on dates that we can only laugh about afterwards draws attention to the fact that finding a ‘good guy’ isn’t easy. Don’t get me wrong, in the past I have definitely made terrible judgements in men and found myself with guys that you wouldn’t take home to your family, but at this age, it just doesn’t slide anymore. You generally want to find a guy that has the same type of morals you do, likes your Instagram pictures without being asked, adores Love Island as much as you do, can hold down a job, finds sausage dogs cute, likes having a takeaway and Netflix with you instead of partying with the lads and loves spending a Sunday curled up in bed – we aren’t asking for too much are we?
FYI, I’m not saying that as women we should rely on men or that being with a man defines who we are – I just had a Miranda from Sex and the City flashback. However, I’m saying that being in love, and thus, in a relationship, is something, as humans, we all hope to experience. Giving your heart to the wrong person or finding yourself in a toxic relationship is a situation we have all, at one point or another, found ourselves in. If only there were signs attached to these men, ‘no go’, ‘douchebag’, ‘liar’, ‘not ready for commitment’ – it would make life so much easier. Unfortunately, technology isn’t at that stage yet, so for now, taking a risk is all we can do. One of my girlfriends recently found herself with a guy that ‘wasn’t ready to settle down’ and she told me that she could change him. As soon as she said it, I asked her, ‘why do you want to be with a man that you have to change? Why not find somebody that you don’t have to change?’. We have all been there, with a guy that is emotionally unavailable and who we think will suddenly want to become committed when he finds the right girl (which we are hoping and praying is us). The truth is, while for some very lucky women this works out (Carrie Bradshaw, I’m looking at you), the majority of the time, trying to change a man, only ends in tears.
How do you know if you have given your heart to the wrong guy? I’m obviously no expert, but for me personally, if you even have to ask yourself this question, you probably already know the answer. Everybody has stupid fights and tiffs over insignificant things, but I think that it’s when you are feeling emotionally drained from the relationship that you have to ask yourself whether it’s worth it and how willing you are to sacrifice your own happiness. If you are worrying about the other person more than you are yourself or constantly doubting whether you are good enough for them – the likelihood is, that they have done something to make you feel like this in the first place and in that case, are they really good enough for you? I don’t want to sound too cliché but the most important relationship is with yourself, not the guy that makes you question who you are – you should be putting your energy into somebody that appreciates and values you. Whilst writing this post, I did a spot of research on the good ol’ fellow we refer to as ‘fuck boy’ and I couldn’t resist sharing it with you;
Fuck boy: Asshole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down. He almost never makes plans because he has to hangout on his terms. However, if plans are made he will bail on them without a second thought. If a girl tries to stand up to this asshole he will most likely deny everything and turn it all around on the girl. He will always come crawling back because he cannot withstand the dispossession of one of his baes.
Case in point, if you are wanting a relationship, make it a priority to steer clear of guys like this as they will never put you first, they will never make you feel appreciated, treat you with the respect you deserve and when they do realise just how significant you are, it will be far too late.
When you find a good guy, you need to hold onto him – he’s the kind of guy that recognises when you have had your hair done, checks on you throughout the day, won’t let you get an Uber home on your own, gives you his last slice of pizza, says you look beautiful in the morning and notices when you have changed your perfume. As soon as I had spritzed myself with Daisy Love by Marc Jacobs, this was the real test in our relationship – would he recognise I’ve changed my perfume, and more importantly would he like it? There’s something about wearing a perfume for your guy that’s sexy. I don’t know about you, but if my man doesn’t like a perfume I have on, I find myself immediately not wearing it as much. Smell is such a big thing and you associate it with things, people and places. The verdict? The first day of wearing it, he noticed. I think it’s safe to say, he’s a keeper. This new addition to the Marc Jacobs collection is vibrant, fruity and delicate all at the same time. Get your Daisy Love here.
*Blog post in collaboration with Fragrance Direct*